The Failure

Life is like a game of hockey: it doesn’t matter how hard you try or how badly you want to succeed, sometimes failure is inevitable. But good players learn from these failures and do better in the next game. The greatest players learn to decrease the number of failures and losses they have over time, gaining control of their success, while lesser players continue losing. If you keep losing in hockey, it will eat you alive, and you’ll eventually quit. And life is even more harsh than hockey, because if you don’t learn to bring failures under your control in life, it will devour you. It will beat you down and prevent you from achieving your purpose. To manifest your greatest potential and achieve your purpose in life, you have to know how to deal with and overcome failure. And to overcome failure, you need to develop mastery. Mastery gives you power and control over a situation. Without mastery, your success is completely left up to chance. And if you want to develop mastery, you need to overcome six vices: aimlessness, disorientation, blame-shifting, half-heartedness, atomism, and obstinance.

Aimlessness

The first vice to overcome if you want success is aimlessness. An aimless person lacks the desire for improvement, and if you lack the desire for improvement, mastery is impossible and failure is certain.

For example, I started playing ice hockey at the age of five. Kids don’t fully understand the rules of the game at that age. They don’t know that the goal of the game is to put the puck in the other team’s net. They skate around aimlessly, and sometimes they even score on their own net. Naturally, these kids can’t even begin to succeed until they understand the rules of the game—until they have a vision of what improvement looks like and a desire to manifest it.

But aimlessness is not exclusive to children. As I got older, I noticed that some players stopped attending practice.  At practice, your coach gives you a vision of what you need to improve. He sets goals for you to work on, such as your cardio, stick handling, shooting, or passing, So players who missed practice were directionless. They lacked a clear vision of how they could improve and any motivation to do so. Unsurprisingly, they never got better. They never developed mastery, and so they left the next game’s victory in the hands of chance. In a letter to a friend, the ancient Roman Stoic philosopher Seneca explained the relationship between having an aim, success, and chance. He wrote,

Without an aim, you’ll never develop mastery, and without mastery, your life will be governed by chance.

The reason people avoid having aims is because they believe life should just be easy and fun. But aims create work since they reveal where we are deficient. You have to invest time and effort to overcome deficiencies and improve—an often painful process. Aimless people find self-improvement boring, and for them, boredom is the ultimate evil. Kierkegaard accurately depicted the thoughts of aimless people in his work Either/Or. He wrote:

The aimless believe that, work and boredom are the root of evil; while idleness and amusement are the supreme good. They believe the ideal way of life is to amuse yourself through the constant gratification of shallow desires that take no work to achieve. The aimless person gratifies one whim after another and gives up on anything that requires real work to achieve. They think work is a waste of time.

But without work, you can never improve, and without improvement, you will never gain mastery, and without mastery, you will never bring success under your control, and if you never bring success under your control, you will always fail. So work is necessary if you want to avoid regret, maximize your potential, and express your purpose. And expressing your purpose is the greatest form of joy. If you reflect back on your life, what moments are you most proud of? If you’re like most people, it’s probably a moment where you worked hard to accomplish something meaningful, and it’s probably not a moment where you simply gratified one of your whims. In Either/Or, Kierkegaard accurately described the thoughts of an industrious person. He wrote:

A purposeful person is unafraid to do the work, and by doing the work, they gain mastery, freedom, and joy.

For example, a hockey player who is purposeful will go to practice. He will discover what he needs to improve on from his coach. He will have an aim. And by working on his weaknesses, he will play better in future games. He will develop more control over the outcome of his games because he has increased his mastery. Work frees him to play how he wants and achieve the results that he desires. So work is also a source of deep enjoyment and pleasure for him. And by doing the hard work, even when he doesn’t feel like it, he unlocks his highest potential. He becomes everything that he can be as a hockey player.

People who set aims develop mastery, and those who develop mastery gain control over their future and their success.

Disorientation

The second vice to overcome if you want success is disorientation. While a disoriented person has an aim, they’re not heading towards it. They’re moving forward, but they’re moving forward in the wrong direction. Disoriented people feel like they’re making progress, but in reality they aren’t.

For example, a hockey player who practices his shooting when cardio is his real weakness is disoriented. He may get better at shooting, but that won’t help him win more games, because his cardio is what’s really holding him back. He’s moving forward, but not in the right direction. He’s guided by false certainty. He feels good when his shot gets better, and when he feels good, he believes he’s improving. Feeling good is what he’s really after. But he’s blind to his actual flaws and shortcomings. He works on the wrong thing, and so he makes no progress.

The reason people become disoriented is because they believe their feelings are an unerring source of truth. They believe their emotions are objective reports about the world and how to proceed. They over-rely on their feelings to guide them. But in his discourses, the ancient Greek Stoic philosopher Epictetus spoke about the dangers of over-relying on your emotions, first impressions, and intuitions. He said,

When a person doesn’t question or test the assumptions underlying their feelings, they are more likely to become disoriented.

You can’t assume your feelings are always based on reality. While feelings are powerful and useful, they can be misleading. While they can provide objective reports about yourself, your perception, and your judgments, they are not always objective reports about the world around you. If you feel angry, that’s a good indication that you think you’ve been wronged, but it’s not objective proof that you’ve been wronged. The better our feelings are oriented, the more accurate and useful they are. And to orient your feelings correctly, you need an objective standard to measure yourself against. Progress isn’t about feeling good, it’s about moving closer to or beyond an objective standard. In Letters from a Stoic, Seneca spoke about the importance of having an objective standard in order to make progress. He said,

An ideal standard should be a successful example of what you’re trying to accomplish. And through comparison and measurement, you can objectively move towards greatness rather than being disoriented by your subjective feelings.

For example, a hockey player who wants to get better may compare himself to another hockey player. He can take objective measures of that player. How good is that players cardio? How many passes does he make per game? How many shots does he take? How often does that player practice? What techniques does he use? So on and so forth. And after taking these objective measurements, he can compare himself to that ideal player. He can discover the ways in which he falls short of the ideal, and he can work on improving his objective shortcomings.

But some hockey players will find that there’s no reasonable standard to compare themselves to. A novice player shouldn’t compare himself to someone in the NHL. It makes no sense for a novice player to compare himself to an NHL player.  When no other standard exists, you have to make one yourself. Objectively measure your current state, such as cardio, passes, shots, and so on. Record these states and see how improving them affects your performance in the next game.

When there are no standards outside of yourself to compete with, you have to compete with yourself. You have to make sure the you of tomorrow is better than the you of today. Competing against others often leads to quicker improvement because it requires less time to figure out the relationship between certain metrics and success. When you compete against yourself, however, you have to invest a lot more effort to figure out what works in the first place. But, once you do, you have the best standard to compare yourself against; no one is more similar to you than the you of yesterday. And there’s no limit to how good you can get when you compete against yourself. Players approaching improvement objectively will find that it doesn’t always feel good. Sometimes the stuff you need to improve is the hardest and most painful thing to improve. But great players are not interested in simply feeling like they’re improving; they objectively want to improve. They don’t allow themselves to be guided by false certainty. Rather, they are guided by curiosity and optimism.

Taking an objective and measured approach to progress will help you orient properly and develop your mastery in the correct areas.

Blame-Shifting

The third vice to overcome if you want success is blame-shifting. Blame-shifting is when you always blame others for your failures and refuse to recognize your own flaws. The danger of blame-shifting is that it robs you of the power to improve and creates social discord.

For example, a hockey player who never reflects on his own mistakes but always reflects on the mistakes of others is blame-shifting. Instead of thinking about what he did or didn't do that contributed to the loss, he reflects on the mistakes of other. He finds someone else to blame: the referees or the coach or his own teammates or the other team. He assumes that he played the game perfectly, and he refuses to see his own flaws. He gets angry at other people for causing his team to lose, which creates social discord. And because he never recognizes his own flaws and failings, he can never correct them.  And by not correcting his mistakes, he never learns. And by not learning, he never grows or improves. He completely robs himself of the power to improve and gain mastery.

The reason people blame-shift is because they believe they must maintain a perfect self-image. They think it’s not OK to be flawed. They think that if they recognize that they are flawed, it will be a permanent and catastrophic stain on their image. They believe that they will be punished in severe ways if they are flawed or make a mistake. They have a fixed mindset. They believe that if they are not perfect now, they will never be perfect, so they fight tooth and nail to hold on to that perfect image of themselves.  On top of that, it is incredibly painful and difficult to realize that you are not as great as you think you are. In Psychology and Religion, Carl Jung spoke about the difficulty of taking accountability and acknowledging your shadow, the part of yourself that is unsavoury and undesirable. He said:

To paraphrase Jung, when someone doesn’t acknowledge their shadow, the flaws and failings that they have, when they are obsessed with maintaining a perfect image, they end up projecting their flaws and vices onto others. They end up blame-shifting. To not blame-shift takes a lot of courage, because it’s painful to recognize your own shadow.

But holding onto a perfect image is a barrier to true perfection. Instead of trying to look perfect, we should aim to be perfect. Attaining perfection is an impossibility, but we can move closer to it by recognizing our flaws and correcting them. In Letters from a Stoic, Seneca wrote about the importance of recognizing our own mistakes. He said:

Recognizing and correcting your mistakes is not a small thing either. It’s the key to unlocking your purpose. In Psychology and Religion, Jung wrote about the gravity of recognizing your mistakes. He wrote:

When you refuse to blame-shift and you take accountability for your mistakes, you actually give yourself the power to improve and do something valuable for the world.

For example,  a hockey player who reflects on his own mistakes in a game is not blame-shifting. He takes accountability. Even when other players don’t play their best or commit an error, he thinks about what he could do to help them. He is always reflecting on the relationship between his actions and his outcomes, because that’s what he has control over. He approaches life with humility. He constantly reflects on what he can alter about his own beliefs and actions to improve his performance and uplift the players around him. This leads him to greater mastery, and it creates unity within his team.

People who refuse to blame-shift are true leaders. They are accountable and empowered. They actually correct their errors and improve, and rather than being obsessed with the appearance of perfection, they move closer to actual perfection.

Half-Heartedness

The fourth vice to overcome if you want success is half-heartedness. While blame-shifters refuse to acknowledge their flaws and failures, the half-hearted refuse to invest the time and effort needed to correct their flaws. They lack the dedication it requires to strive for perfection, so they end up giving up on their goals before they can reach them.

For example, unlike great hockey players, good hockey players aren’t completely devoted to their craft. They may like being in shape, socializing with teammates, winning, scoring goals, for others to think of them as an athlete, or playing for fun, but they don’t simply love the craft like great players do. Good hockey players even show up to practice and work on their flaws, but only to an extent. Once the amount of effort and time needed to correct an error becomes too much for them, they give up. And because they lack the devotion to fully correct all of their errors, they never become great. They’re good, but they’re not the type to make it to the NHL.

The reason some people are half-hearted at what they do is because they are motivated by the rewards of doing a thing and not the process itself. When the time between correcting a flaw and obtaining the reward becomes too great, they become impatient and give up. The pain of the process outweighs the reward that comes from doing the process. For them, time is a punishment, and the more of it there is between them and the reward they are seeking, the greater of a punishment it is. In Purity of Heart is to Will One Thing, Soren Kierkegaard described the psychology of a person who is focused on outcomes and rewards:

The half-hearted simply don’t enjoy the process of getting better at what they do, and so the more time they have to invest into it, the more of a punishment the process of improvement becomes.

But greatness and final victory will never come to the impatient and half-hearted. To be truly great, one must correct all of their errors in a field. They simply must love the process of improving at what they do. If you love the process at improving at what you do, you love the time spent on it and even the pain that come with it. Kierkegaard described this type of person in Purity of Heart as well. He wrote:

A person who loves the process of improving at what they do will actually be delighted by discovering their flaws and having things to improve on, because it just means they get to invest more time in doing what they love.

Unlike good hockey players, great hockey players would practice outside of practice. They would go to the outdoor rink when they couldn’t get something right and practice on their own. Or, they would practice in their garages or basements at home. They invested as much time into the process as they could, correcting every flaw they could. They were the type of people to make it to the NHL.

A person who is committed to fixing all of his errors, no matter how much time and effort it takes, is devoted to his craft. To him, greatness and success are inevitable.

Atomism

The fifth vice to overcome if you want success is atomism. Atomistic people don’t value playing their role in a team, and as a result, they fail at things that take a community to achieve.

For example, no matter how good of a hockey player you are, your team can’t win many games based off your skill alone. Teams with average players but good cohesion often beat teams with rockstar players that lack cohesion. Atomistic players try to score when passing is the better option. They place their own pride and entitlement above the needs of the team. They make enemies on their own team and create divisiveness. Their team starts to work against each other rather than working together. Ultimately, the team becomes weaker as a unit, and so they lose more games.

But trying to be a rockstar is not the only form of atomism. The most tense situation in a hockey game is overtime when, after the standard three periods have ended, there’s a tie. To break the tie, both teams play until one of them scores a goal. The first to score wins. These are often very high stakes moments, and some players are too afraid to play during these times, because they fear the repercussions of allowing the other team to win. They fear being the one that caused their team to lose. But this too is a form of atomism, although it’s more subtle. These player sees themselves as responsible for the success or failure of their team, but this responsibility is misplaced.

Over the course of the game, every player had the chance to change its outcome. The outcome of the game is not solely dependent on those final moments, and the success or mistakes made in them. The outcome of the game is determined by every single moment and decision both teams made during its entire duration. But while the wannabe rockstar steps up when he should step back, the needed rockstar steps back when he should step up. Both don’t know how to play their role within the team. Both cause the team to fail, and as a result, cause themselves to fail.

The reason people are atomistic is because they believe individuals are self-sufficient. They believe that we don’t owe anything to the people or community around us. They invest too much faith in the strength and power of the individual, and they think of groups as a luxury. This is mistaken. Aristotle commented on the political essence of man in his book Politics. He wrote:

To reinterpret Aristotle, the atomistic person believes he is either subhuman or superhuman. He either thinks he is above everyone and must demonstrate his superiority, or he thinks he is below everyone and must depend on the superiority of others. He doesn’t see himself as an equal and vital part of the community, who has a necessary and valid role to fulfil. He may see himself or others as superfluous.

But nobody is superfluous. Everyone has a role in the common good. We’re all meant to work together and succeed together. We’re not self-sufficient entities. To even reach adulthood, we depend on our parents, often for eighteen years. Humans are interdependent, social, and collaborative to the core. Aristotle also commented on the collaborative nature of man in Politics. He wrote:

As Aristotle said, we’re all crew members on the same boat. Our success in life depends on working with our crew sufficiently well so that we can all make the journey safely.

A good hockey player will know how to pass when the time is appropriate. He will not try to reserve the glory for himself. The team’s glory is his glory. He plays for the name on the front, not the name on the back. If he has superior skill and needs to step up in an over-time situation, he will do it for the team. If he doesn’t have the skill, he will know how to gladly step back and let another take the helm.

A person who knows how to play his part in a team is synergistic, and the synergistic achieve success.

Obstinance

The sixth vice to overcome if you want success is obstinance. Obstinate people refuse to accept a necessary failure, and by doing so, they hinder their own ability to learn and overcome that failure.

For example, during my time as a hockey player, there were players who couldn’t accept when they had lost. They’d be upset. They blamed forces outside of their control for their loss, such as the referees, and they couldn’t let it go. They never reflected on their loss, so they never learned from it. And because they never learned from their mistakes, they never got better as players. Instead, they became bitter, resentful, and quit the game sooner than other players.

The reason people become obstinate is because they believe it’s bad if things don’t go their way in life. They don’t believe that hardships or losses could lead to something better. They believe they must exert power and control over every aspect of their life. They’re prideful and certain about how things should be. Milton diagnosed this mindset perfectly in his book Paradise Lost. He had Satan, the central character, say:

According to the Satanic mind, power and control are the supreme good in life, and one should strive for them at the cost of everything.

But absolute power and control is impossible. Absolute power doesn’t lie in our hands; it lies in the hands of Fate, God, Law, Justice, Truth, a Higher Power, or whatever other name you want to use. We don’t dictate the final outcomes of our lives—the physical, logical, and moral laws that govern the universe do. The person who understands this trusts his failure or loss happened for a reason, although they may not understand that reason right now. They overcome obstinance and failure by turning necessary failures into lessons that they can grow from. In the sacred scripture the Bhagavad Gita, it’s written:

And Nietzsche commented on the value of accepting fate in his autobiography Ecce Homo. He wrote,

And Saint Augustine demonstrated the mindset of someone who understands that fate is wiser than him. In his Confessions, he wrote:

The opposite of the obstinate mind is the pious mind, and the pious mind knows that it has control over its actions but not over the results. It trusts Fate or God to decide the results, and it accepts the results and learns from them and improves.

For example, a hockey player who plays piously will honor the rules of the game. When he loses, he will accept it. In accepting the loss, he immediately overcomes it, because now he can reflect on it, learn from it, and improve. He sees the loss as a necessary and important event that was designed to teach him more about himself and his actions as a player.

Those who know how to practice humility and piety are not obstinate, and so they learn from their mistakes and failures, and by learning from their mistakes and failures, they transform them from something negative into something positive; in other words, they transform past failures into present and future successes.

The Champion

So if you overcome aimlessness, disorientation, blame-shifting, half-heartedness, atomism, and obstinacy, you will gain mastery, and if you gain mastery, you have a real shot of being victorious in life.

The best hockey players don’t avoid failure. They believe it’s a necessary part of the journey and beneficial to their growth. They believe it can teach them to be better. They set aims, compared themselves to a good standard, are not ashamed to recognize their own flaws and failures, devote as much time and effort as needed to correct those errors, play the most appropriate role they can to improve the team, and even when all of that doesn’t work, they accept necessary failures.

They know that no matter how aimed, oriented, accountable, invested, synergistic, and adaptive they are, there will always be an element of fate, chance, and luck in their success. The likelihood of failure can never be brought down to zero.  Even in hockey, genetics, politics, upbringing, and luck play a role. Sometimes a player whose parents have the most money and the best relations in the league get on the best teams. Some players just have better genetics than others. That’s just how it is.

But a champion is not a champion because he wins. He’s a champion because of his mindset. When you do everything you can to win, but you accept the loss, when you feel the sting of that loss, learn from it, and grow, when you enter a state of constant growth and improvement, when you acknowledge your flaws and deficiencies, when you don’t blame anyone else for your failures, when you focus on what you can control and improve to do better next time, when you are fully devoted to being the best you can be at your craft, and when you build up others just as you build up yourself, then you are a champion, and you’re a champion in the most important game there is: life.